Finals... Brain... Squish

I have one more final (9 hour final), but here is a short list of stupid stupid STUPID things I've done during the last two weeks. Laugh at me. It will make you feel good.

First, I had five finals.

Employment:



Arbitration:




Ethics:




Juvenile Justice:




International Legal Order:




Top Five Final's Brain Failure Results:

1. Logic Goes Bye-bye - Walked up to my friends car (she was picking me up) and spent two minutes trying to open the passenger door with my keys. I don't know what is worse. The fact the the door was unlocked? The fact that it wasn't my car? or the fact that she didn't try and stop me? Also, I went to the post office to mail a package and accidentally tried to walk away with out paying.
The lady screams "can you please pay me?".
I said "Uh... yeah. Woops. I forgot."
She said, "You forgot to pay?"
"Yup."

2. Creative meals - One breakfast I had was left over KFC chicken(don't judge), Cheese Its, Honey Noosa Greek Yogurt, and OJ. One lunch consisted of a package of seaweed snacks from whole foods and a piece of tiramisu. Yesterday I had slices of romaine lettuce dipped in olive oil and vinegar. When I realized that was not filling (surprise) I had some honey. No that's it.... I just ate honey.

3. Outfits - I have Colorado law sweat pants and a Colorado law sweatshirt. They are the exact same color - medium gray. I guess wearing them together in true jumpsuit fashion is not encouraged. As discussed in a previous post, I ripped my jeans (and didn't really care.) Two days ago, I some how forgot underwear. Entirely. Just forgot.

4. Everything is funny - The stupidest crap on the internet will have me in tears. Granted the regular hilarious sites like The Oatmeal and Hyperbole and a Half, are excellent for study breaks, but I found this funny: Stupid Crap. Seriously?

5. Emotional Instability: Cry, laugh, scream, drink, repeat. I cried during The Sing Off. I guess I was emotionally moved. I eat everything one day, then nothing the next, but always find room to have a glass of wine. I yelled at my computer for taking too long to load my email (not any longer than usual.) I yelled at the boyfriend for dancing weird. I yelled at the best friend for listening to a song on the radio that I thought sucked. Then yelled at him some more for not liking what I wanted to listen to.

Lastly, my foot is asleep. And that makes me angry. I will go eat more Cheese-its and imagine myself consuming all the alcohol distributed to the Boulder area in T-minus 27 hours.

Its the Final Countdown!

Employment Law

Finals are eating my brain grapes, so only one, short story.

I was studying for my Employment Law final and I was reminded that everything goes wrong during finals.

I just finished a lovely practice test, minus the "lovely" part, and all of I sudden I heard a "rrrriiiiiiiiippp".

I wish that noise was an old lady fart, or the sound of ripping an under-grad's vocal chords out, but no. That is the sound of my pants ripping. Right in the leg n' bum area.

Dear Employment,
I would like to eat you like a cheeseburger in exchange for ruining my pants.
Love,
Me


Om nom nom nom

Oatmeal Shampoo

As we approach finals, I think it is important to revisit a story from last year. After my first semester of finals, a dash of alcohol induced craziness followed.

After a night of drinking all the alcohol on Pearl St., it was clear that bar closing time wouldn't be the end of that party. Luckily, I have a friend who owns a hot tub. A disco-lit hot tub with rubber duckies. If you've ever been drunk, you know hot tubbing is one of those terrible/awesome ideas. Although it might be nice and warm, it also will take you from drunk to drunkerest in 20 minutes flat.

Well of course I knew that, but my drunk brain thought it would be a swell idea.

After a nice long intoxi-sit in the hot tub, it was time to rinse off and have a pass out/coma on the couch. I walk... err stumble, in to the bathroom to prepare my nice warm shower (just what I needed.) I turned the water on and while waiting for it to warm up I pealed the men's swim trunks off my bum to use the restroom. Why men's swim trunks? I was just at the bar. Of course I didn't bring a swim suit and had to borrow one. Come on now...

While I was sitting on the toilet a close homo-man friend of mine lets himself in to the bathroom. I announce, "I'm peeing" as if it wasn't obvious. He said he wanted to rinse off in the shower too. He steps into the tub and closes the curtain with his swim trunks on. I then spend the next 5 minutes trying to pull my soaking wet swim trunks back on. The swim trunks were a little small, so I imagine the feeling being similar to trying to pull on wet skinny jeans. This is difficult to do sober, so please imagine how easy it is to do intoxicated.

I step in to the shower with Drunk McGayBoy and he no longer has his swim trunks. Good morning man junk. I asked him what happened to his trousers and he responded, "I dunno." Because I am thinking logically, I decide to re-peal off the swim trunks to join the nudist extravaganza.

Mid-shower I realized that there were nearly 200 trial size shampoos, conditioners, and body washes to choose from... but I had my eye on a certain bottle. The Oatmeal Shampoo. It was perfect for body and hair. It was full of oatmeal creamy goodness and would moisturize me in to a spa induced bliss. I passed it on to my shower buddy so he could bask in the awesomeness that is the oatmeal.

Now that we were squeaky clean (and absolutely annihilated) we got out, put on pajamas and walked, ... er stumbled, to the living room. My enthusiastic friend asked which of the trial size shampoo/conditioner/body washes I used. I mumbled, "Uhhh... that oatmeal one."

My friend looked puzzled. After a long pause she inquires..."The oatmeal shampoo?"

"Uhh... yup."

"I don't have oatmeal shampoo."

"Well that's what I used."

"Wait.... YOU MEAN THE DOG SHAMPOO?????!?!?!?"

"What!?"

Sure as the queers loving cosmos, she was right. With 200+ trial size washing options, and a couple big containers of Suave, I chose the dog shampoo.

Now you may be wondering if the bottle was inconspicuous. Small font, regular shampoo size, nothing that would scream "Dog Shampoo".

All I have to say is, nope. This was the bottle I chose.



Yup - I'm just that smart.

Sleeplessness Resulting in Cat Snacks

I have a kitty. She is a hand-me-down cat from the boyfriend's sister, which went to his dad, and now to us.

Yesterday morning I got up at the ass-crack of dawn. According to my alarm, I had another 7 minutes to sleep, but the kitty used her magic premonition skills to wake me up early. She was sitting on my chest/neck/face purring at a decibel level similar to an Amtrak train. In the pitch black darkness of morning, I stumbled out of bed to feed the hungry kitty. She trotted next to me meowing and and purring all the way to the kitchen.

I grabbed the kitty food and filled her bowl. Then grabbed some of her Whisker Lickin's Crunch Lovers treats to toss in there also. Why I was giving her treats for pawing my eye balls and screaming in my ear at 6:10 in the morning, who knows. Then I popped one of the Crunch Lovers kitty treats in my mouth.

Wait..


WHAT. Three crunches in I realized that I was eating cat food. What part of my morning brain thought that I wanted to eat one of those.

My stream of sleepy conciousness doddled off with, "Oh great gads it is early. Now that I put some of these delicious kitty snacks in the bowl for the cat, whom they are obviously intended for, I better pop one of these bad boys in my mouth. What ever lovely human breakfast I should eat could never compare to this little flavor blast of love.... *crunch crunch crunch* OH GOD NO WHY."

It was too late to spit it out so I just swallowed it. Crunchy, bland, kitty snacks slightly resembling the flavors of chicken broth, chalk and dirt.

Good morning world. It was destined to be a good day.

Turn that frown upside down!

I was looking through old posts, and it is much to mushy gooshy, with a half-empty cup of pessimism thrown in.

So, it is time for blog re-vamp 101.

From now on, please expect to read crazy/funny/inappropriate/random/unfortunate/silly stories that happen during the reminder of my law school life.

I'm thinking a transformation from Emo Law School Blues to Chelsea Handler goes to Law School.

So get your party pants on. First "New" post is tomorrow.

?

Did you know that Gordon's Law of genetics couldn't be more true?

The bad trait will always predominate. The bad trait will always win.

Back to School...

After an amazing summer of LGBT advocacy, an irresponsible evidence class, working my own hours and the best play I have ever participated in, I feel empty.

Sad. Depressed. Bored. Empty.

Unfortunately, I can't think of one thing to fix it.





I do know that blogs will be more frequent now that I need law school outlet time.

...

Is having a Wild Wild Party.


:)

It happened.

I am ashamed of it.

I can't believe it.

There must be something wrong with me.

I am reading the twilight series.

I decided I needed a light summer read and my friend dropped all four books on me. I don't care about vampires, or werewolves, or anything in the Science Fiction section for that matter.

I started reading the first book and, surprise, I hated it. It took me a week to get through the first 100 pages. Then, once I started getting in to the book, it took me less than 24 hours to read the next 400. Low and behold, I am now 100 pages away from the end of the second book.

Do I think they are good books? Meh. But its like watching a reality TV show. Even if it isn't the most captivating piece of media, it's impossible to turn it off. What happens? Who ends up with who? I am much to nosy to bail out now.

So two more books to go. How did I come to this?

Oy.

Blatant Truth.

Wild Party!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I will be performing in a community theatre production of The Wild Party! I am so excited to be party of the theatre scene once again. I've missed theatre people, parties, rehearsals and performing (of course).

Being in a production is the perfect law school sabbatical.

In other news:

New work out/diet regimen is working well. Six pounds down and, ideally, twenty-nine to go!

Goodbye 1L, Hello 2L

Well I did it. I finished my first year of law school. I've learned a lot in the past ten months and, in a true "Dea" fashion, I've created a list of the important things.

1. Just because you are "smart" in undergrad doesn't mean you are "smart" in law school. This was rough. I was always in the very top of my class and that is certainly no longer the case. After the grades from last semester, I was ready to pack my stuff and head back to NM. My grades weren't horrible, but unexpected to say the least. Who knows how I did this semester. Frankly, I wish they wouldn't send grades out until we started school in August.

2. When you sit for 90% of the day, you will get fatter. Granted this seems like common sense, but man oh man did that creep up on me. I was a serious victim of "The Blaw School 15". I need to buy one of these for the rest of law school:


3. Climbing up rocks is unreasonably fun. Going out side to climb up some rocks should not be amusing in the slightest. This is what Neanderthals did in order to get to the other side of a mountain, or run for dear life. Why is this such an amusing hobby?

4. I am nothing with out my friends. This doesn't need an explanation. Just a blatant fact.

5. New Mexico isn't that bad. When I was there, most of NM seemed like a garbage dump in hell. After coming back for short visits, I realized that the culture, the food, and the people (most of them) makes New Mexico awesome. I am actually considering getting a Zia tattoo.

6. I have come to realize and accept some things about myself that simply won't change. I know this is vague, but it will make sense soon enough.

Week Win

What an awesome week.

Won an iPad.
Won a weekend cabin stay in Estes Park.
Top four oralists in my class.
Massive dent in outlining.
3 Job interviews (and hopefully a job.)

No complaining on le bloggio this week :)

On the other hand, I am auditioning for Wild Party on May 1st. (In the middle of finals... gooood Shandea.) I don't particularlly expect to get a part, but I am kind of at a loss for what I should audition with. I need one ballad and one up-tempo. (ahem - suggestions please!) The last show I did was Greek Row (not counting Jess' awesome Cabaret.) Now, more than ever, I feel like I am having severe theater withdrawals.

I am plucking out any theater related events I can find. This includes actually enjoying oral arguments. Its like a 15 minute painful monologue where judges get to throw unanswerable questions at you. It's AWESOME.

I will be getting a sufficient dose of theater in the next couple of weeks though. Cabaret tomorrow, In the Heights in a week or so.

Very Excite!

Yippy Skippy!

I blog?

Uh... Scoops. I apparently haven't updated this thing in forever.

I have been busy busy busy and trying to figure out some random life-related things as of late.

Since there is no possible way I can update for the last jillion years I will do a simple set of Yeas and Boos.

YEAS

1. Less than a month left of school
2. Plenty of job interviews
3. Rock Climbing outside
4. Auditioning for Wild Party
5. New Backpack
6. Thai food
7. Sanity Saving Law School events: Prom, Kickball etc.
8. Friends
9. Winning a weekend cabin stay in Estes Park from a raffle
10. Going to Lady Gaga with Kris in July

BOOS

1. No job yet
2. Beer
3. Civil Procedure
4. Finishing Legal Writing
5. Chat roulette (this could also sneak in as 10.5 on the yeas list)
6. The pain that of upcoming non-stop homework
7. Weird car noises
8. Laziness
9. X-Man Wolverine... uh whatever its called
10. Hang overs

I promise to be more diligent in updating. :)

**Edit : thank you to Jamesy for finding the clear and obvious mistake. Everyone knows how much I love civil procedure and hate cabins.

PostSecret

Every Sunday I head to Post Secret to check out the new stories and confessions. Sometimes the chosen few toss me in to a laughing fit; Incriminating photos of a boss, mindless confessions of stealing things out of the office fridge, cheating on a paper, etc. Other times the confessions tug at my heart strings. Whether it is complete empathy for an unfamiliar, yet unfortunate situation or actual sympathy for being in the same situation myself.

Either way, I would consider what secrets I had, but never actually thought of sending them in. This weekend I sent three postcards. Three separate unrelated secrets. On a short trip to Denver, I told a close friend of mine that I sent them in. I quickly realized that by saying that, there would be interest in what those secrets were.

The first one he guessed. I guess it isn't much of a secret, but it isn't something I would boast about. It's not that I try to hide it, I just never make it known.

The second is entirely "guessable", but because of certain elements that surround it, it wasn't guessed. It's a three-parter. The first element is assumed, the second everyone already knows, and the third is unthinkable. I can't really explain it myself, which is why it is floating through the US Postal service to a mailbox in Maryland.

The last is completely and utterly unguessable. I won't say it, and I won't hint at it. I'll let it live inside me until I croak.

This lengthy, vaguebook of a blog is for two reasons:
One- I like having secrets. People say "I don't have secrets." or "I'm an open book." but that couldn't possibly be true. Everyone has a secret.
Two- Although I love having secrets, I almost spilled the beans on the second secret. I wanted to, but didn't (or couldn't). It would essentially void the whole purpose of the secret. And I know that even if it ever so sneakily did slip out, it wouldn't be repeated again. If it did pop out, it would be to that friend.

Now that I have pulled you through this blog (giving nearly zero percent of real information), I leave you with advice.

Send one. Send a secret. It feel so, so, soooooooooooo good.

Send it anonymously to:
Post Secret
13345 Copper Ridge Rd
Germantown, Maryland 20874

Prozac?

About a month ago I went to the doctor for my "annual" and also conveyed some potential concerns about my life.

I discussed my minuscule anxiety problems, this, that, and some other stuff. After talking for about a half an hour she suggested a low dosage of Prozac.

PROZAC!? Me? Really?

I looked up potential symptoms of anxiety:

* Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?
Yes

* Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?
School occasionally

* Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t shake?
All the time

* Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren’t done a
certain way?
Check

* Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?
Depends, but it happens.

Is this another Restless Leg Syndrome sort of quiz where the results point to EVERYONE needing it?

Either way, I can't decide... take it? Or throw it away.

My Eyeballs

The unfathomable amounts of reading is turning my sub-par vision in to non-existent, old woman, nearly blind vision. I can't figure out what is the main cause of this... but I have narrowed it down:

1. Straight-up regular book reading:
As I finished the 20th page of Constitutional Law reading for tomorrow, I honestly thought that my eyeballs were going to up and leave my skull. The words were doing Riverdance all of the page and I had to SERIOUSLY concentrate on finishing the last 3 pages. I am considering getting some reading glasses, even though I never had a problem with far-sightedness.

2. Computer Screen Eye Melt-a-thon:
After typing the beast of a memo due last Monday, I had to take a break from all things "screen" related for 24 hours. I thought that pre-grad school, I had my eyes glued to some sort of screen for a large portion of the day. Facebook, Email, Stumble, Stumble, Stumble, My Sweet Sixteen, Woot, Paper, Stumble. I think I managed to add an extra 4 hours to every day just for screen staring. I have become a professional... and it is making my eyeballs go poopy.

3. I hate carrots:
I have no idea if carrots actually improve eyesight but I freaking hate them. Bring on the blindness.

4. Booooooooooze:
Is it possible that the amount of booze consumed increases that the effectiveness of vision decreases? I know it has that temporary effect. Oh the joys of writing a text at 3am with one eye closed and the other eye in "squint-mode" hoping that whatever keys you jam on the phone will create a coherent sentence. I am worried that the possibility of "drunken-blindness" could be permanent one day. Oh no.

Either way, my eyes are crapping out. My graduation gift to myself will be Lasik. Oooooooooo yeah.

(P.S. Why must I list everything? Am I a list-a-holic?)

Who Can Say What Dreams Are?

This is an Emo blog.

I will not trouble you all with the lengthy discussion of my stresses, worries, and overwhelming To-do list. No sleep. No time. No life.

Anyway, I am just saying that hopefully me, the real me, will be back soon.

Cut it out.

This will be a very short blog, but I have been meaning to post it for quite sometime.

The following includes a list of things that are unacceptable for a classroom setting. Some people find this very hard to grasp, so I have complied a "No-No" list for the severely confused.

1. The "horn/elephant/face explosion nose blow." I understand that it is "sick season". Keeping a double ply roll of toilet paper in your back pack is completely understandable. Blowing your nose as if you are trying to imitate a rocket launcher exploding gak is completely ridiculous and distracting. Stop it.
'
2. The "I am going to talk for 423 years about a question that doesn't matter and makes the prof. want to vomit." It is great that you want to impress your professor. More power to you. I can guarantee that talking to them about the historical implications of the first pleading ever written will make them want to die (also known as zero bonus points) Cut it out. (This also includes an "tangent is an acceptable thing to talk about for 30 minutes.")

3. The "my phone is vibrating louder than Jenna Jameson's butt plug but I some how can't hear it." If I can hear your phone 7 seats away, you must be deaf and/or retarded. Turn your shit to silent.

4. The "apparently I learned to whisper from a child at a funeral". Everyone in class has something to whisper to their neighbor. The key word is whisper. If you sound like you are trying to chat to someone in a crowded bar, that is NOT a whisper. Shut up.

5. The "I'll brown-nose my way to the top" method. Your professor thinks you suck. Quit it.

Just keep these 5 tips in mind the next time you are in class. Do your fellow classmates a favor. :)

Drunken Man-Off

I am sitting in my living room at 11:30pm on a Sunday night and what do I hear?

T.V. show of something trashy yet appealing? Nope.

Pandora playing a medley of calming tunes? Nope.

Drunk #One and Wasted #Two playing competitive Wii Frisbee golf in between chugging beers?
Yup.

Ryan and his man partner are back as one. After 4 days straight of climb/snowboard/sports, drunk, rally, drunker, Wii, wasted, sleep (repeat) you'd thing that they would be ready for a nice relaxing evening. Nopes. Noper. No.

Although I would enjoy a nice refreshing sleep before starting another deathly week of law school, it is great seeing Ryan with his man-mate again. Since Wednesday, they have been inseparable. Every minute has been a competition of manly-ness and Ryan is in dude heaven.

*craaaaaaaaaaaaaaash.... Chris managed to accidentally punch over the Beer-a-mid for the second time this evening playing Wii basketball*

Our climbing excursions have been awesome. I climbed some things I never thought I could, but I still have a Bouldering fear. I would rather been on a rope 40+ft in the air than be rope-less 10 ft. in the air.

*Ryan just laid on one of my HUGE law school books. I asked if he wanted me to move it. He said " Uhhhh I'm gone... so it feelz naaaiiiice." *

Overall, it has been a great weekend. Granted I got a minimal amount of HW done, but 2 applications are being sent off to Lala land and I had a fantastic weekend of climbing, dancing and fun.

*Chris is still playing Wii basketball... I don't think I have ever heard that many "Fucks" in my life time. I guess his drunkenness is interfering with his game.*

On the docket for this week: Legally Blonde the Musical, Gourmet walking tour in Denver with Darren, and Volunteer work for the Boulder Domestic Violence Shelter.

*Ryan's passed out. He stumbled to bed on his mostly broken ankle and literally fell asleep before he hit the bed*

Awesome times Awesome!

Boulder Children + Blacks = Confused

I have come to the conclusion that any child under the age of 10 in Boulder has never seen an "afro" before. Furthermore, it is a high possibility that these children have never seen a black person before either. And I am only half... I have no idea what they would do if they saw a Nigerian.

Story #1: I was hung over. It was the day after the grand finals celebration and I felt like death with a side of vom. We had just eaten at Foolish Craig's and and I was slowly shuffling out of the restaurant praying that what ever was about to exit my body didn't happen in the restaurant. I slipped on my sunglasses and stepped out the door when this little, blonde boy, no older than 5, stops his dad in a child whisper (also known as yelling with more breath) "Look daddy, she has big hairs... wooooooooooah!" I smiled at the kid and walked another 6 steps before I unloaded Eggs Benedict on the curb.

Story #2: I was rushing through target because I was already late for some event (common occurrence). The mom behind me in the check out line was holding a tiny girl (2 or 3 years old) in her arms while she studied the different kinds of gum. I smiled at the little girl and she gave me a "look" (similar to what a person would give a robber breaking in to their house.) I didn't feel it was necessary to make the child cry so I turned around. I started setting random items on the little conveyor belt when all of a sudden I feel a chunk of my fro being removed from my head. Apparently it looked like a stuffed animal that needed its innards pulled out because the child pulled freaking hard. The mom freaked out and apologized. I laughed it off, even though the back of my head was throbbing.

Story #3: The bus. This was an early morning on the way to school and I was frantically reading a case for Contracts (because I am always so prepared). This little girl (5 ish) was staring at me in the seat next to us. She "child whispered" to her mom "Are some people born with weird hair mom?" The mom stated "All black people have weird hair. Ours is straight, and theirs is poofy. I tried to get mine done like that in college but I looked like a cocker spaniel".

Story #4: Today. I was in Old Navy at the FlatIron mall looking for a pair of jeans. This little girl, around 7, was just staring at me. Blank faced. Confused. Lost. I looked at jeans for at least 10 mins and she just stood their staring. I looked at her and smiled and she still didn't move. Eventually her mom started walking away and she followed slowly and said "wooooah". I think my fro actually mind-fucked that little girl. Its like I had a magic trick on my head.

I am sure there are plenty more stories, but I thought I would share a few. Story of my life in Boulder. They really need to get some more Ethnic action up here.