Oatmeal Shampoo

As we approach finals, I think it is important to revisit a story from last year. After my first semester of finals, a dash of alcohol induced craziness followed.

After a night of drinking all the alcohol on Pearl St., it was clear that bar closing time wouldn't be the end of that party. Luckily, I have a friend who owns a hot tub. A disco-lit hot tub with rubber duckies. If you've ever been drunk, you know hot tubbing is one of those terrible/awesome ideas. Although it might be nice and warm, it also will take you from drunk to drunkerest in 20 minutes flat.

Well of course I knew that, but my drunk brain thought it would be a swell idea.

After a nice long intoxi-sit in the hot tub, it was time to rinse off and have a pass out/coma on the couch. I walk... err stumble, in to the bathroom to prepare my nice warm shower (just what I needed.) I turned the water on and while waiting for it to warm up I pealed the men's swim trunks off my bum to use the restroom. Why men's swim trunks? I was just at the bar. Of course I didn't bring a swim suit and had to borrow one. Come on now...

While I was sitting on the toilet a close homo-man friend of mine lets himself in to the bathroom. I announce, "I'm peeing" as if it wasn't obvious. He said he wanted to rinse off in the shower too. He steps into the tub and closes the curtain with his swim trunks on. I then spend the next 5 minutes trying to pull my soaking wet swim trunks back on. The swim trunks were a little small, so I imagine the feeling being similar to trying to pull on wet skinny jeans. This is difficult to do sober, so please imagine how easy it is to do intoxicated.

I step in to the shower with Drunk McGayBoy and he no longer has his swim trunks. Good morning man junk. I asked him what happened to his trousers and he responded, "I dunno." Because I am thinking logically, I decide to re-peal off the swim trunks to join the nudist extravaganza.

Mid-shower I realized that there were nearly 200 trial size shampoos, conditioners, and body washes to choose from... but I had my eye on a certain bottle. The Oatmeal Shampoo. It was perfect for body and hair. It was full of oatmeal creamy goodness and would moisturize me in to a spa induced bliss. I passed it on to my shower buddy so he could bask in the awesomeness that is the oatmeal.

Now that we were squeaky clean (and absolutely annihilated) we got out, put on pajamas and walked, ... er stumbled, to the living room. My enthusiastic friend asked which of the trial size shampoo/conditioner/body washes I used. I mumbled, "Uhhh... that oatmeal one."

My friend looked puzzled. After a long pause she inquires..."The oatmeal shampoo?"

"Uhh... yup."

"I don't have oatmeal shampoo."

"Well that's what I used."

"Wait.... YOU MEAN THE DOG SHAMPOO?????!?!?!?"

"What!?"

Sure as the queers loving cosmos, she was right. With 200+ trial size washing options, and a couple big containers of Suave, I chose the dog shampoo.

Now you may be wondering if the bottle was inconspicuous. Small font, regular shampoo size, nothing that would scream "Dog Shampoo".

All I have to say is, nope. This was the bottle I chose.



Yup - I'm just that smart.