Droppin' Post-Graduation Knowledge

I graduated law school. Hooray?

Ok, ok I am ecstatic, but I still have the dreaded bar exam looming over me.

This post is dedicated to shining a light on what I learned over the past three years. I will also offer a bit of advice for future law students, 2Ls and 3Ls.

Law School Grades are Bullshit
If you think that a year of non-stop studying, sobriety and diligence will get you straight As, you are wrong. When I spent the majority of class time on gchat, failed to purchase the book, and attended class three drinks deep, I scored that prize "A". The classes that I spent countless hours outlining, reading supplements and taking notes resulted in disappointment, tears, and streams of curse words.

Arbitrary Grades! FTW!

My Advice: Do you work, show up to class, blah blah blah, but don't sacrifice your last three years of college (2.0) to be a slave to the books.


Law School = High School with More Alcohol. 
We have lockers. We make best friends. There is drama. We drink. That makes more drama... we drink more.

On the aforementioned lockers with friends.

My advice: You are shit out of luck, princess. Unless you are over 40, a recluse, or simply the most boring person on the planet, you will get sucked in to the Jersey Shore-esq bullshit. Just ride the roller coaster o' craziness and hold on tight

Work Hard, Play Harder
I wasn't kidding. Have some damn fun.

Bonus: Maybe my undergrad was prudish, but I didn't know it was possible to have the school pay for booze. Granted it is usually at a reception or hosted by a student group, but come on. Weekly. Free. Alcohol.

Margarita n' Mustashio

My advice: Don't take Friday classes. I don't care if it's Advanced Coloring. You're usually brain dead by Friday anyway. (I sure as hell was.)


Appreciate and Recognize
The first thing law school did was turn me in it a heinous, argumentative bitch. I argue about EVERYTHING. That isn't the main point. It is recognizing that I've turned in to an argumentative, snarky mutha' trucker and appreciating all of you that put up with me during the process.

My advice: Suck it up and apologize. Let's be real; it was probably my fault.


Non-Law School Buddies are Mandatory
Not permissive, optional, suggested or implied. MAND-A-FUCKIN'-TORY. Why? Because you will remember that the stupid shit you say and do are not tolerated, encouraged or even comprehensible in the regular non-legal world. For example:

Have you ever listed out points of an argument? "One, you were late. Two, you forgot the flowers. Three, this is the second time this has happened in a week, Four, you smell like ass..."

Fellow cast members from the musical, The Wild Party.

My advice:  I think it's pretty clear on this topic, don't you?

Get Up

If you fell victim to the "freshman fifteen" get your fat jeans ready for the "first year forty." Transferring to a day full of sitting, reading, sitting, listening, sitting, drinking will double your pant size in no time. Seriously though... I blimped like Oprah after a fad diet.

My advice: Don't do that. I suggest finding a balance. (eg; sitting, reading, standing, listening, dancing, drinking).

Told ya so. 

You're Gonna Be Fine
Seriously. Whether you decide to go to law school, or not. Whether you go for a year and drop out, or you stay the whole damn time. Through finals, anxiety attacks, all nighters and much much more. You will come out of this shit show alive.

My advice: Take a crappy situation and make it less crappy. (See below)

Matching "I Believe in Santa" shirts for 1L finals first semester. 

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I'm sure there's more, but my ADHD caught up with me sooooooo I'm bored with my own topic.

Now that Bar hell is in full swing, I will try and limit the advice/suggestions/complaining to a dull roar and stick to the main purpose of this blog-- cluing you in to the funny/ridiculous/inappropriate crap that occupies my life.

Finals... Brain... Squish

I have one more final (9 hour final), but here is a short list of stupid stupid STUPID things I've done during the last two weeks. Laugh at me. It will make you feel good.

First, I had five finals.

Employment:



Arbitration:




Ethics:




Juvenile Justice:




International Legal Order:




Top Five Final's Brain Failure Results:

1. Logic Goes Bye-bye - Walked up to my friends car (she was picking me up) and spent two minutes trying to open the passenger door with my keys. I don't know what is worse. The fact the the door was unlocked? The fact that it wasn't my car? or the fact that she didn't try and stop me? Also, I went to the post office to mail a package and accidentally tried to walk away with out paying.
The lady screams "can you please pay me?".
I said "Uh... yeah. Woops. I forgot."
She said, "You forgot to pay?"
"Yup."

2. Creative meals - One breakfast I had was left over KFC chicken(don't judge), Cheese Its, Honey Noosa Greek Yogurt, and OJ. One lunch consisted of a package of seaweed snacks from whole foods and a piece of tiramisu. Yesterday I had slices of romaine lettuce dipped in olive oil and vinegar. When I realized that was not filling (surprise) I had some honey. No that's it.... I just ate honey.

3. Outfits - I have Colorado law sweat pants and a Colorado law sweatshirt. They are the exact same color - medium gray. I guess wearing them together in true jumpsuit fashion is not encouraged. As discussed in a previous post, I ripped my jeans (and didn't really care.) Two days ago, I some how forgot underwear. Entirely. Just forgot.

4. Everything is funny - The stupidest crap on the internet will have me in tears. Granted the regular hilarious sites like The Oatmeal and Hyperbole and a Half, are excellent for study breaks, but I found this funny: Stupid Crap. Seriously?

5. Emotional Instability: Cry, laugh, scream, drink, repeat. I cried during The Sing Off. I guess I was emotionally moved. I eat everything one day, then nothing the next, but always find room to have a glass of wine. I yelled at my computer for taking too long to load my email (not any longer than usual.) I yelled at the boyfriend for dancing weird. I yelled at the best friend for listening to a song on the radio that I thought sucked. Then yelled at him some more for not liking what I wanted to listen to.

Lastly, my foot is asleep. And that makes me angry. I will go eat more Cheese-its and imagine myself consuming all the alcohol distributed to the Boulder area in T-minus 27 hours.

Its the Final Countdown!

Employment Law

Finals are eating my brain grapes, so only one, short story.

I was studying for my Employment Law final and I was reminded that everything goes wrong during finals.

I just finished a lovely practice test, minus the "lovely" part, and all of I sudden I heard a "rrrriiiiiiiiippp".

I wish that noise was an old lady fart, or the sound of ripping an under-grad's vocal chords out, but no. That is the sound of my pants ripping. Right in the leg n' bum area.

Dear Employment,
I would like to eat you like a cheeseburger in exchange for ruining my pants.
Love,
Me


Om nom nom nom