Stop. Motivate and Listen.

Soooooo the July 2013 bar exam is in 7 days. It's time for the final sprint. 

Imma be like your Red Bull/Starbucks double-shot/caffeine pill/Adderall for the last leg of the race. 
It's time to get motivated. 

"It doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning’s winning." 

- Dominic Toretto, The Fast and the Furious (2001)

What should you be doing for the next couple days? Practice all the things. MBE, MEE, and a couple MPTs for good measure. Under timed conditions and/or outlining answers. Whatever.
That's why cheesy sayings like "Practice Makes Perfect" and "Learn by Doing" exist.

I made you this playlist. Get pumped.

BarWinning

*Yeah, I quoted The Fast and the Furious. Wanna fight about it?

Bar(f) Advice: Colorado Bar Exam Helpers

Approxiamtely one month from the February Bar Exam, I opened a fortune cookie with this message: 

This little sign helped me get through bar exam 2.0 without loosing my sanity. Now that my favorite folks are embarking on the road to bar exam hell, it's a good time to dish out some of my marginally inappropriate advice.

According to this random dude's math, Colorado is the 14th Suckiest Bar Exam. I hope to make the whole process suck a liiiiiiittle less by shedding some light on things you might have known, should know, and would probably like to know. According to anxiety managing techniques, the more you know = less game day freak outs soooooo, here ya go:

Pre-Exam

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn
The July 2013 bar exam will be at the Colorado Convention Center. If you are thinking about getting hotel. Book. That. Shit. Now. If you wait until June or July, everything will either be (1) booked or (2) jacked up to $280 a night.
If you are driving and parking, also consider the other 1,200 people that will be driving to Denver that day. ALL the parking lots fill up.

SoftTest for Dummies
Are you a civilized human and therefore using a laptop to take this exam? Look out for an email that references registering your computer with SofTest. This is not the same registration number that you had during law school. That means everyone has to do it.
What happens if you miss the deadline? Sucks, brah. You get to handwrite; 8 damn essays in 6 hours.

Study Buddies
There are many different methods to tackle this beast. Here are some general tips that should help anyone and everyone:
1. Practice Recalling - Figure out what you know and don't know. Flash cards, mapping, and practice essays/MPT/MBE are all great ways to practice recalling. 
2. Don't marathon study - Let me clarify. Don't try and lock yourself in a closet and study for 12 hours a day, everyday. That might have worked for finals, but finals lasts for two weeks. You have over two months of bar prep hell. Don't burn yourself out. Study smart. Watch this short n' sweet video on productivity. It's worth it.
3. What subjects are foreign languages? - I didn't take corporations, agency, wills, trusts, or any other class that seemed insufferable. Didn't take those classes either? Don't panic. You saved yourself an entier semester of mental turmoil trying to learn a subject that you hate. What you should do is start learning some of the essential terms and definitions for those subjects. Knowing some of lingo will make learning the law less daunting. 
4. Multiple choice your worst nightmare? Buy this book. 'Nuff said. 
5. Manage your stress & anxiety - This is super important if you (like me) are stress/anxiety prone. A panic attack won't help you now or later. Try a bar exam anxiety management book like "Bar Exam Mind" by Matt Racine. Not well written, but helpful. 
BONUS: Don't forget how YOUR brain works - Are you an auditory learner? Make sure to watch all those damn videos/lectures. Are you a visual learner? Skip the stupid videos and read the material. For example, I watched all of the videos the first time around aaaaand it was a waste of time because nothing important stuck in my brain.  Don't forget all of the study methods and habits that worked best for you in law school. Don't be afraid to say "Fuck you bar exam course; I know what works best for me."

Exam Day

Airport Security Screening
There is a long list o' crap that you can't bring. Some surprising (and annoying) no-nos include: ear plugs, wrappers on granola bars/gum/food, pens, pencils, watches, headbands and jackets with hoods/pockets. AKA come dressed in a see-through sheath and bring your computer.

You can bring a pencil sharpener, but only on the second day (MBE day.) All of your stuff that is allowed inside must be in a gallon size ziplock bag sooooo all of your medication and tampons are on display for all the world to see!

Instructions for Eternity
Generally you arrive pumped up and ready to attack this beast. Then you realize there are 45 minutes - 1 hour of instructions, finger printing, form filling out, and other mojo killing tasks. It blows.

Hunger Games Countdown
Five minutes before the exam, you are sitting at a long table with friends and randoms waiting for the test o' death to start. Your sealed test booklet is waiting to be cracked open. The head proctor says "I am now setting my clock to 8:59 test time." Then.... you ... wait. In silence. Listening to your own heartbeat in your brain. I don't know why they can't ask everyone if they are ready to begin and then just start the damn thing.

A friend described it as the "Hunger Games Countdown." The moment where you can see the playing field but you aren't allowed to step off of the platform (or you will be blown to bits.) The terrifying silent, sixty-seconds before the exam starts is like an academic version of the Hunger Games.


Lunch Time!
One of the best parts of having a hotel room is having a place to go for lunch. That being said, the Convention Center is big. You can certainly find somewhere to hide (with or without friends) to eat on site. Bringing a lunch is ideal. No lines. No decisions. Just munching. While we are on the topic of food, don't eat too much. You'll get the half-time, 1:00pm sleepies. No bueno.

Post-Exam

Waiting Game
If you think the bar exam is going to suck, wait for the two months of downtime before result are released. The worst thing you can do is spend time thinking about all the mistakes you made. Try and keep it out of sight, outta mind until October. No use stressing about it the whole time. Which leads me to...

The Big "What If"
It is on everyone's mind. "What if I fail?!!!! Then I'll never have a job, my partner will leave me, I will become morbidly obese, I'll have to move in with drug addict and start prostituting on the side to pay rent." 
In the midst of an anxiety attack, it is difficult for your reasonable brain to convince your panic brain that it is (1) hindering the study process with all that damn worrying and (2) it's being unreasonably overdramatic (like a teenager throwing a tantrum.)

One anxiety trick/tactic is to go through all of your bar exam fears, and, for lack of a better term, "solve", all of your fears.
For example:
If I fail this time, I'll lose my job --> Many employers will put you on hold so you can re-take in February. If not, write down a couple areas of non-legal related work that can tide you over for a while. 
If I get an essay on the bar that I don't know... it's over --> False. Lots of people pass who totally blank on an essay. That being said, consider making a "Top Ten Things I Need to Know About Blah" for each area of law. Then, worst case scenario, you can barf out some key words and phrases and at least score a "1" on that essay. (The only time you get a "0" is if you leave the whole thing blank.)

Oooooor are you this guy/gal? 
I'm not worried at all. I'm a fucking baller and I keep nailing all the practice questions. --> Well congrat-u-fucking-lations you cocky basterd. You're right. All of us normal folk are jealous of your lack of anxiety, stress, and general lacksadasical attitude towards the bar. That being said, please shut the fuck up and stop making everyone's life a living hell. Go brag to your dog, parents, or colleagues, but pleeeeeeease, keep it out of bar review courses or happy hour. 

Last, but not least...

I obviously need to leave you with some distractors. Lucky for you, they are mostly motivating distractors (You're welcome.) Although it may seem unproductive to occupy valuable study time with internet videos, it is equally important to keep your head up while staying focused. 

Obviously found this on the internet while procrastinating.

Need a Pep Talk?
Kid President
Daily Affirmations
Thumbs Up

Need to Get Motivated?
How Bad Do You Want It
Motivate
We Live Unbound

Need to Laugh?
Bros at the Bar
Finals Week

Go forth and rock this bitch. I'll see ya'll on the other side. 

Droppin' Post-Graduation Knowledge

I graduated law school. Hooray?

Ok, ok I am ecstatic, but I still have the dreaded bar exam looming over me.

This post is dedicated to shining a light on what I learned over the past three years. I will also offer a bit of advice for future law students, 2Ls and 3Ls.

Law School Grades are Bullshit
If you think that a year of non-stop studying, sobriety and diligence will get you straight As, you are wrong. When I spent the majority of class time on gchat, failed to purchase the book, and attended class three drinks deep, I scored that prize "A". The classes that I spent countless hours outlining, reading supplements and taking notes resulted in disappointment, tears, and streams of curse words.

Arbitrary Grades! FTW!

My Advice: Do you work, show up to class, blah blah blah, but don't sacrifice your last three years of college (2.0) to be a slave to the books.


Law School = High School with More Alcohol. 
We have lockers. We make best friends. There is drama. We drink. That makes more drama... we drink more.

On the aforementioned lockers with friends.

My advice: You are shit out of luck, princess. Unless you are over 40, a recluse, or simply the most boring person on the planet, you will get sucked in to the Jersey Shore-esq bullshit. Just ride the roller coaster o' craziness and hold on tight

Work Hard, Play Harder
I wasn't kidding. Have some damn fun.

Bonus: Maybe my undergrad was prudish, but I didn't know it was possible to have the school pay for booze. Granted it is usually at a reception or hosted by a student group, but come on. Weekly. Free. Alcohol.

Margarita n' Mustashio

My advice: Don't take Friday classes. I don't care if it's Advanced Coloring. You're usually brain dead by Friday anyway. (I sure as hell was.)


Appreciate and Recognize
The first thing law school did was turn me in it a heinous, argumentative bitch. I argue about EVERYTHING. That isn't the main point. It is recognizing that I've turned in to an argumentative, snarky mutha' trucker and appreciating all of you that put up with me during the process.

My advice: Suck it up and apologize. Let's be real; it was probably my fault.


Non-Law School Buddies are Mandatory
Not permissive, optional, suggested or implied. MAND-A-FUCKIN'-TORY. Why? Because you will remember that the stupid shit you say and do are not tolerated, encouraged or even comprehensible in the regular non-legal world. For example:

Have you ever listed out points of an argument? "One, you were late. Two, you forgot the flowers. Three, this is the second time this has happened in a week, Four, you smell like ass..."

Fellow cast members from the musical, The Wild Party.

My advice:  I think it's pretty clear on this topic, don't you?

Get Up

If you fell victim to the "freshman fifteen" get your fat jeans ready for the "first year forty." Transferring to a day full of sitting, reading, sitting, listening, sitting, drinking will double your pant size in no time. Seriously though... I blimped like Oprah after a fad diet.

My advice: Don't do that. I suggest finding a balance. (eg; sitting, reading, standing, listening, dancing, drinking).

Told ya so. 

You're Gonna Be Fine
Seriously. Whether you decide to go to law school, or not. Whether you go for a year and drop out, or you stay the whole damn time. Through finals, anxiety attacks, all nighters and much much more. You will come out of this shit show alive.

My advice: Take a crappy situation and make it less crappy. (See below)

Matching "I Believe in Santa" shirts for 1L finals first semester. 

-------

I'm sure there's more, but my ADHD caught up with me sooooooo I'm bored with my own topic.

Now that Bar hell is in full swing, I will try and limit the advice/suggestions/complaining to a dull roar and stick to the main purpose of this blog-- cluing you in to the funny/ridiculous/inappropriate crap that occupies my life.

Twentieth Spring Break

UPDATE:

I MOSTLY WIN! I win the Twentieth Spring Break Celebration List o' Fun! I fudged a couple tiny things, and only failed one entirely. I'll take 9 out of 10. Read on for pictures & explanations. Updates are in red.

Goodbye spring break. You will be missed. (Errrr... until I quit being a lawyer for a job teaching High School Drama.)

-------------------

I just realized that this is my last spring break ever. I've enjoyed twenty years of my life with a spring break. I finally figured out a way to say goodbye to this mid-March treat. Like a responsible graduate student, I've made a list of ten things I plan to accomplish:

I only have... *cue The Ring voiceover*... seven days.

Twentieth Spring Break Celebration To-Do List

1. Read a Book

No law bullshit and no learning.

Mockingjay = Done.

Now that I finished The Hunger Games series, I need a new teen saga to get addicted to.... suggestions?

2. Stay Up All Night

The last time I did this was 1L year for my %$&*ing legal writing brief. This time, FUN ONLY.

I stayed up until 5:00 ish. It was close enough. I passed out full of Cosmo's and vodka.

3. Drunk Brunch

Drunk before noon + full of eggy goodness = Winning
Potentially still drunk from the night before, mimosas were the only option... and this photo shoot:

4. Watch Live Theatre

Dance Gotta get my theater fix. Obvi.

The Drowsy Chaperone!

5. Swim

It doesn't need to be a pool. Any fountain counts.

FAIL.... unless my liver swimming in vodka counts.

6. Hit the Gym/Exercise *shudders* Everyday

Shut up. I don't wanna do it... but my ass will thank me later.

Some hard gym trips.... some yoga on my living room carpet... but I did something every day!

My favorite inadvertent exercising was a four-mile walk back to our house to get Ryan's spare tire... stay tuned for the whole story in a later blog post.

7. Buy Something I Don't Need

Or two things.... or thirty things.

Wine Diapers! Special bags with Huggie-certified lining. Now when I smuggle Trader Joe's booze back in the Colorado, my whole suitcase doesn't end up soaked in 'Two Buck Chuck'. (Yes this happened...)

8. Watch A Good Movie That I've Been Avoiding Just Because It Looks Too Sad

The Green Mile. Marley & Me. Stepmom. Fried Green Tomatoes. Presumed Guilty. Sophie's Choice... the list goes on.

I watched this movie....

and it made me do this...

**Pretty crying face.**

9. Dance Like a Drunkin' Undergrad

I'll see YOU on the dance floor.

'Round Midnight Dance Break... I look more Asian than the Asian.

10. Get Something Awesome for Free

Not sure how... not sure what. I will acquire something of value for free. My the odds be ever in my favor.

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson! (It's a Musical.... obvi) I found an iTunes gift card in a desk drawer. WIN!

"I'm Andrew Fucking Jackson!!!! And my life sucks in particular"

--------------Stay tuned for my progress. I will be crossing stuff off the list (and adding obligatory photos) as I go.

SPRING BREAK 2012, COMMENCE.

--------------

"Want Another Credit Card? NO BITCH"

I love snail mail. One of my favorite things in the world it to skip and prance to the mailbox, open the tiny vessel o' love, and oogle at all of the things inside.

"New Netflix? HOORAY!
Weekly Ads? How great!
Letter from a friend? Yippity skippity!

Credit Card Offer...? ......Not again. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO."

I DESPISE credit card offers. It is a waste of paper. They are annoying. I called them ten times and told them I didn't want new credit card. They responded by sending twice as many. So I devised a plan to piss off the fancy schmancy credit card companies:

Step One:
Save every credit card offer you receive for an entire year.

Step Two:Block off 3-5 hours

Step Three:
Open every single one of those damn envelopes and find
the piece of gold that lies within them... a pre-paid envelope.



Step Four:Smash all sorts of weird shit in the envelopes.

*Lots o' coupons*


*Thanks, but no thanks*



Step Five:Send them back and laugh your panties off.

*One bag o' fatty pre-paid envelopes full of coupons, drawings, and post-it notes*

Why did I spend 4 hours stuffing over 200 envelopes? Because I was avoiding homework (obviously) and now they can enjoy receiving a billion unwanted letters. Plus, random credit cards companies paid for over $100 in postage (since I actually sent them back.) BOOYA.

*Nothing is more rewarding that pwning your ass*