Twentieth Spring Break

UPDATE:

I MOSTLY WIN! I win the Twentieth Spring Break Celebration List o' Fun! I fudged a couple tiny things, and only failed one entirely. I'll take 9 out of 10. Read on for pictures & explanations. Updates are in red.

Goodbye spring break. You will be missed. (Errrr... until I quit being a lawyer for a job teaching High School Drama.)

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I just realized that this is my last spring break ever. I've enjoyed twenty years of my life with a spring break. I finally figured out a way to say goodbye to this mid-March treat. Like a responsible graduate student, I've made a list of ten things I plan to accomplish:

I only have... *cue The Ring voiceover*... seven days.

Twentieth Spring Break Celebration To-Do List

1. Read a Book

No law bullshit and no learning.

Mockingjay = Done.

Now that I finished The Hunger Games series, I need a new teen saga to get addicted to.... suggestions?

2. Stay Up All Night

The last time I did this was 1L year for my %$&*ing legal writing brief. This time, FUN ONLY.

I stayed up until 5:00 ish. It was close enough. I passed out full of Cosmo's and vodka.

3. Drunk Brunch

Drunk before noon + full of eggy goodness = Winning
Potentially still drunk from the night before, mimosas were the only option... and this photo shoot:

4. Watch Live Theatre

Dance Gotta get my theater fix. Obvi.

The Drowsy Chaperone!

5. Swim

It doesn't need to be a pool. Any fountain counts.

FAIL.... unless my liver swimming in vodka counts.

6. Hit the Gym/Exercise *shudders* Everyday

Shut up. I don't wanna do it... but my ass will thank me later.

Some hard gym trips.... some yoga on my living room carpet... but I did something every day!

My favorite inadvertent exercising was a four-mile walk back to our house to get Ryan's spare tire... stay tuned for the whole story in a later blog post.

7. Buy Something I Don't Need

Or two things.... or thirty things.

Wine Diapers! Special bags with Huggie-certified lining. Now when I smuggle Trader Joe's booze back in the Colorado, my whole suitcase doesn't end up soaked in 'Two Buck Chuck'. (Yes this happened...)

8. Watch A Good Movie That I've Been Avoiding Just Because It Looks Too Sad

The Green Mile. Marley & Me. Stepmom. Fried Green Tomatoes. Presumed Guilty. Sophie's Choice... the list goes on.

I watched this movie....

and it made me do this...

**Pretty crying face.**

9. Dance Like a Drunkin' Undergrad

I'll see YOU on the dance floor.

'Round Midnight Dance Break... I look more Asian than the Asian.

10. Get Something Awesome for Free

Not sure how... not sure what. I will acquire something of value for free. My the odds be ever in my favor.

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson! (It's a Musical.... obvi) I found an iTunes gift card in a desk drawer. WIN!

"I'm Andrew Fucking Jackson!!!! And my life sucks in particular"

--------------Stay tuned for my progress. I will be crossing stuff off the list (and adding obligatory photos) as I go.

SPRING BREAK 2012, COMMENCE.

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Bus Sprints

I take the bus to school. One of the college student perks is a free bus pass. It isn't really a perk... but my student loans pay for it instead of my credit card.

The morning regional bus, the "B" or the "BX" comes every 15 minutes or so. Additionally, I have a 12-15 minute walk to the bus every morning.

I have a couple different bus options:
Option #1 (Also known as "Option Number Never Fucking Happens")
Leave my house at 7:55am. Have a lovely morning stroll to the bus. Arrive at the bus stop a couple minutes before the bus arrives. Hop on the 8:13 bus. Get to school with plenty of time to fill my water bottle, pee, grab books, etc.

Option #2
Leave my house at 8:10am. Have a lovely morning stroll to the bus. Arrive at the bus stop a couple minutes before the bus arrives. Hop on the 8:24 bus. Get to school with just enough time to grab books and power-walk to class.

Option #3
Leave my house at 8:13am thinking "I'm totes gonna make the 8:24 bus. I'll just put Kanye on my iPod and speed-walk like an Olympian." Proceed speed-walking like this--> RACE WALK


Now, option #1 is practically a joke, so I'll just move on. Option #2 is the perfect situation. This happens 3 or 4 times a week.

It is option #3 that causes problems. For some reason, even though I know that if I leave my house at 8:13 I am not going to make the damn bus if I walk the whole way there. There is that moment when I am walking up the path and I see the RTD bus stopped at a stop light. It is then that I have to choose between missing the bus and subsequently being late to class OR the dreaded Bus Sprints.

What are Bus Sprints?
It is the moment where you see the bus, but you are much to far away to catch it at "walking speed". So you tighten the backpack straps, throw the lunch bag over your shoulder, and you run like hell.

Sometimes Bus Sprints result in a complete win. You run your ass off and arrive just in time to to jog on to the bus. Although I am breathing like a morbidly obese lady who just conquered her first flight of stairs, I will be on time to class AND I slept for an extra three minutes.

Sometimes, you loose at Bus Sprints.

About a week ago, I decided to gamble with Option #3 (again). I see the bus at the stop light. I commence Bus Sprints. This particular game of Bus Sprints was going well. I was going to make it. All I had to do was run up this snow covered hill and I was home free.

Now, "run up this snow covered hill" does not equal logic. Two steps up the hill I face-plant. No, no no. I didn't fall. I was sprinting with a backpack and two bags slung around each arm. I went down HARD. My body was covered in snow and it hurt everywhere. I peeled my face from the frozen ground to see the bus driving away from the bus stop. There was a guy (who I assume was also partaking in bus sprints) came up to me and asked if I was ok. I said "barely" as I started collecting all the things that scattered amongst the snow.

He said "we missed the bus." I just looked at him. Eventually I muttered "uh.. yeah."

I limped my way up the rest of the hill and waited for the next bus.

The lesson of this story is not to wake up early (or even on time.)

The true lesson is:
If I am running late, drive my fat ass the .94 miles to the bus stop like every other American.


Win.

"Want Another Credit Card? NO BITCH"

I love snail mail. One of my favorite things in the world it to skip and prance to the mailbox, open the tiny vessel o' love, and oogle at all of the things inside.

"New Netflix? HOORAY!
Weekly Ads? How great!
Letter from a friend? Yippity skippity!

Credit Card Offer...? ......Not again. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO."

I DESPISE credit card offers. It is a waste of paper. They are annoying. I called them ten times and told them I didn't want new credit card. They responded by sending twice as many. So I devised a plan to piss off the fancy schmancy credit card companies:

Step One:
Save every credit card offer you receive for an entire year.

Step Two:Block off 3-5 hours

Step Three:
Open every single one of those damn envelopes and find
the piece of gold that lies within them... a pre-paid envelope.



Step Four:Smash all sorts of weird shit in the envelopes.

*Lots o' coupons*


*Thanks, but no thanks*



Step Five:Send them back and laugh your panties off.

*One bag o' fatty pre-paid envelopes full of coupons, drawings, and post-it notes*

Why did I spend 4 hours stuffing over 200 envelopes? Because I was avoiding homework (obviously) and now they can enjoy receiving a billion unwanted letters. Plus, random credit cards companies paid for over $100 in postage (since I actually sent them back.) BOOYA.

*Nothing is more rewarding that pwning your ass*

"The Story"

As most of you know, the boyf (boy+wife) proposed on New Years Eve.

After 7.5 years (minus a semester long sabbatical) we were both interested in finalizing this thing. Even though we were headed down the same path, neither of us were in any hurry to justify our relationship in the eyes of the law. We liked each other. We are best friends.

I told him that whenever "it" happened, I wanted loved ones around and I wanted it to be a complete surprise. Needless to say, he nailed it.

We were up in Winter Park, Colorado with some of our closest law school buddies. It was a regular New Years Eve night so we were on our way to getting completely shitcanned.

A friend stole my camera and began taking pictures of our friends. I started yelling at him for stealing my incrimination device. How would I take pictures of people puking on themselves with no camera?

Ryan grabbed my hand and led me to the center of the room. He got down on one knee and opened his mouth... preparing to talk.

I thought to myself, "Oh. Em. Gee. It's happening." Instead of letting him speak, I chose the only logical step for a half-drunk theater kid: Run around the room and scream-cry until everyone's ears were bleeding. Obviously.



I took the ring out of his hands and continued to scream-cry-snot-choke all over myself. It was likely the least attractive thing I've ever done. Want to know how pretty I looked?

Excited Tipsy Snot Drool Girl

We celebrated with some of our closest friends, champagne, and lots o' noise makers.

I wouldn't have changed a thing.


P.S. Obligatory, and requested, ring pic aka Bling.

Results o' Juicing

The Juice Fast was rough, but with some minor changes, we made it through. We added whole nuts, fruits and vegetables throughout the fast. It was necessary to avoid passing out and to ensure my brain would function better than a senior citizen with Alzheimers.

We used lots o' fruit

We drank things that looked like this

And this

When we were sick of cold juice, we made warm juice
(also known as boring soup without goodies.)

I would suggest a more mini-fast to those of you interested in juicing. One or two days max. The bonus micro-nutrients gave me tons of energy and it was good to let my body reboot. Generally, just add more juice to your regular diet. It must be juice from a juicer, though. Donald Duck orange juice doesn't count.

In sum, I felt pretty damn good post-fast. But not as good as when the first bite o' cheese entered my mouth. Mmmmmmmmmmmm cheese.

Jucie Fast! (I'm Baaaaack)

Herro there bloggitty blog.

A whole slew of things happened since I last posted.

Job? Check.
Husband-to-be? Check.
Sweet ass Bar scholarship? Check.



So... now what?

First and foremost, Ryan and I are doing a.... *drum roll please* ....

FIVE DAY JUICE FAST

We watched THIS movie and decided to jump in the jucin' bandwagon.


Sooooo I went to Whole Foods and bought $150 of fruits and vegetables. Even the weird ones like dandelion greens.

*My cart looks like the victim of a raw food, gluten free, vegan, Boulderite**

*Buttload of fruit*

*Shit-ton of vegetables*

The Proposed 8 Stages of Juice Fasting:
(1) Motivation
"OH EM GEEEE I feel, like, so full of health and joy and cleansed!"
(2) Starvation
"Fuck. I'm hungry"
(3) Pride
"I am soooo much better than you because all I've had today is 8 tomatoes, 6 peices of kale, and a kiwi. In juice form."
(4) Failure
"NO."
(5) Le Second Wind
"I can do it, I can do it, half way there, I can do it."
(6) Results
"OH EM GEEEEEEEE I FEEL SO HEALTHY! I LOST 88 POUNDS IN AN HOUR!"
(7) Final Countdown
"24 hours, 24 hours, 24 hours."
(8) Reward
"I did it! GIVE ME THE DAMN CHEESE."

I'll be sure to post my Juice Fast Review, post vegetable starve-a-thon.

Stay tuned for more juice fast news and the engagement story!

Sooooooo

I forgot about this here blog.

Scoopsie.