Sooooooo

I forgot about this here blog.

Scoopsie.

Finals... Brain... Squish

I have one more final (9 hour final), but here is a short list of stupid stupid STUPID things I've done during the last two weeks. Laugh at me. It will make you feel good.

First, I had five finals.

Employment:



Arbitration:




Ethics:




Juvenile Justice:




International Legal Order:




Top Five Final's Brain Failure Results:

1. Logic Goes Bye-bye - Walked up to my friends car (she was picking me up) and spent two minutes trying to open the passenger door with my keys. I don't know what is worse. The fact the the door was unlocked? The fact that it wasn't my car? or the fact that she didn't try and stop me? Also, I went to the post office to mail a package and accidentally tried to walk away with out paying.
The lady screams "can you please pay me?".
I said "Uh... yeah. Woops. I forgot."
She said, "You forgot to pay?"
"Yup."

2. Creative meals - One breakfast I had was left over KFC chicken(don't judge), Cheese Its, Honey Noosa Greek Yogurt, and OJ. One lunch consisted of a package of seaweed snacks from whole foods and a piece of tiramisu. Yesterday I had slices of romaine lettuce dipped in olive oil and vinegar. When I realized that was not filling (surprise) I had some honey. No that's it.... I just ate honey.

3. Outfits - I have Colorado law sweat pants and a Colorado law sweatshirt. They are the exact same color - medium gray. I guess wearing them together in true jumpsuit fashion is not encouraged. As discussed in a previous post, I ripped my jeans (and didn't really care.) Two days ago, I some how forgot underwear. Entirely. Just forgot.

4. Everything is funny - The stupidest crap on the internet will have me in tears. Granted the regular hilarious sites like The Oatmeal and Hyperbole and a Half, are excellent for study breaks, but I found this funny: Stupid Crap. Seriously?

5. Emotional Instability: Cry, laugh, scream, drink, repeat. I cried during The Sing Off. I guess I was emotionally moved. I eat everything one day, then nothing the next, but always find room to have a glass of wine. I yelled at my computer for taking too long to load my email (not any longer than usual.) I yelled at the boyfriend for dancing weird. I yelled at the best friend for listening to a song on the radio that I thought sucked. Then yelled at him some more for not liking what I wanted to listen to.

Lastly, my foot is asleep. And that makes me angry. I will go eat more Cheese-its and imagine myself consuming all the alcohol distributed to the Boulder area in T-minus 27 hours.

Its the Final Countdown!

Employment Law

Finals are eating my brain grapes, so only one, short story.

I was studying for my Employment Law final and I was reminded that everything goes wrong during finals.

I just finished a lovely practice test, minus the "lovely" part, and all of I sudden I heard a "rrrriiiiiiiiippp".

I wish that noise was an old lady fart, or the sound of ripping an under-grad's vocal chords out, but no. That is the sound of my pants ripping. Right in the leg n' bum area.

Dear Employment,
I would like to eat you like a cheeseburger in exchange for ruining my pants.
Love,
Me


Om nom nom nom

Oatmeal Shampoo

As we approach finals, I think it is important to revisit a story from last year. After my first semester of finals, a dash of alcohol induced craziness followed.

After a night of drinking all the alcohol on Pearl St., it was clear that bar closing time wouldn't be the end of that party. Luckily, I have a friend who owns a hot tub. A disco-lit hot tub with rubber duckies. If you've ever been drunk, you know hot tubbing is one of those terrible/awesome ideas. Although it might be nice and warm, it also will take you from drunk to drunkerest in 20 minutes flat.

Well of course I knew that, but my drunk brain thought it would be a swell idea.

After a nice long intoxi-sit in the hot tub, it was time to rinse off and have a pass out/coma on the couch. I walk... err stumble, in to the bathroom to prepare my nice warm shower (just what I needed.) I turned the water on and while waiting for it to warm up I pealed the men's swim trunks off my bum to use the restroom. Why men's swim trunks? I was just at the bar. Of course I didn't bring a swim suit and had to borrow one. Come on now...

While I was sitting on the toilet a close homo-man friend of mine lets himself in to the bathroom. I announce, "I'm peeing" as if it wasn't obvious. He said he wanted to rinse off in the shower too. He steps into the tub and closes the curtain with his swim trunks on. I then spend the next 5 minutes trying to pull my soaking wet swim trunks back on. The swim trunks were a little small, so I imagine the feeling being similar to trying to pull on wet skinny jeans. This is difficult to do sober, so please imagine how easy it is to do intoxicated.

I step in to the shower with Drunk McGayBoy and he no longer has his swim trunks. Good morning man junk. I asked him what happened to his trousers and he responded, "I dunno." Because I am thinking logically, I decide to re-peal off the swim trunks to join the nudist extravaganza.

Mid-shower I realized that there were nearly 200 trial size shampoos, conditioners, and body washes to choose from... but I had my eye on a certain bottle. The Oatmeal Shampoo. It was perfect for body and hair. It was full of oatmeal creamy goodness and would moisturize me in to a spa induced bliss. I passed it on to my shower buddy so he could bask in the awesomeness that is the oatmeal.

Now that we were squeaky clean (and absolutely annihilated) we got out, put on pajamas and walked, ... er stumbled, to the living room. My enthusiastic friend asked which of the trial size shampoo/conditioner/body washes I used. I mumbled, "Uhhh... that oatmeal one."

My friend looked puzzled. After a long pause she inquires..."The oatmeal shampoo?"

"Uhh... yup."

"I don't have oatmeal shampoo."

"Well that's what I used."

"Wait.... YOU MEAN THE DOG SHAMPOO?????!?!?!?"

"What!?"

Sure as the queers loving cosmos, she was right. With 200+ trial size washing options, and a couple big containers of Suave, I chose the dog shampoo.

Now you may be wondering if the bottle was inconspicuous. Small font, regular shampoo size, nothing that would scream "Dog Shampoo".

All I have to say is, nope. This was the bottle I chose.



Yup - I'm just that smart.

Sleeplessness Resulting in Cat Snacks

I have a kitty. She is a hand-me-down cat from the boyfriend's sister, which went to his dad, and now to us.

Yesterday morning I got up at the ass-crack of dawn. According to my alarm, I had another 7 minutes to sleep, but the kitty used her magic premonition skills to wake me up early. She was sitting on my chest/neck/face purring at a decibel level similar to an Amtrak train. In the pitch black darkness of morning, I stumbled out of bed to feed the hungry kitty. She trotted next to me meowing and and purring all the way to the kitchen.

I grabbed the kitty food and filled her bowl. Then grabbed some of her Whisker Lickin's Crunch Lovers treats to toss in there also. Why I was giving her treats for pawing my eye balls and screaming in my ear at 6:10 in the morning, who knows. Then I popped one of the Crunch Lovers kitty treats in my mouth.

Wait..


WHAT. Three crunches in I realized that I was eating cat food. What part of my morning brain thought that I wanted to eat one of those.

My stream of sleepy conciousness doddled off with, "Oh great gads it is early. Now that I put some of these delicious kitty snacks in the bowl for the cat, whom they are obviously intended for, I better pop one of these bad boys in my mouth. What ever lovely human breakfast I should eat could never compare to this little flavor blast of love.... *crunch crunch crunch* OH GOD NO WHY."

It was too late to spit it out so I just swallowed it. Crunchy, bland, kitty snacks slightly resembling the flavors of chicken broth, chalk and dirt.

Good morning world. It was destined to be a good day.

Turn that frown upside down!

I was looking through old posts, and it is much to mushy gooshy, with a half-empty cup of pessimism thrown in.

So, it is time for blog re-vamp 101.

From now on, please expect to read crazy/funny/inappropriate/random/unfortunate/silly stories that happen during the reminder of my law school life.

I'm thinking a transformation from Emo Law School Blues to Chelsea Handler goes to Law School.

So get your party pants on. First "New" post is tomorrow.

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Did you know that Gordon's Law of genetics couldn't be more true?

The bad trait will always predominate. The bad trait will always win.