"You're Welcome" Part II

As many of you know, I posted THIS blog about my trip to NYC, ethnic life in Boulder, and the crazy trust fund kid's first interaction with a black person.

I had another lovely interaction with a less-than-charming, potbellied pig shaped man a couple days ago. Just to give you the full effect, I attempted to draw a picture of him:

Sir Douchington of Louisville the III

Yes, it was a 50-year-old man; not a 60-year-old pregnant woman.

I was walking to the mailbox to get our weekly, bill-filled loot and this lovely gentleman was sorting through his weekly ads.

Douchington: Hi. 
Me: Hi!
Douchington: Nyyyyyneeeeyyyeehehehhe *something that I can only identify as a horse noise*
Me: Excuse me?
Douchington: Your hair is really cool. 
Me: Thanks

*Pause* At this point, I thought he was just complementing me, but our riveting conversation didn't stop there.

Douchington: Like Lion King.
Me: ... 
Douchington: Like a lion, you know?
Me: ...
Douchington: Cus, your hair is scary. Like, reeeeeeeeally scary.
Me: uhhhh.... Thank you?
Douchington: Can I pet it?

*Pause* Can I  PET IT?????!!!???!! I am not a chia pet. I am not a puppy. I am not a fucking lion.

Me: No thanks, BYE.




Can I move to Denver yet? I'm ready.