"Want Another Credit Card? NO BITCH"

I love snail mail. One of my favorite things in the world it to skip and prance to the mailbox, open the tiny vessel o' love, and oogle at all of the things inside.

"New Netflix? HOORAY!
Weekly Ads? How great!
Letter from a friend? Yippity skippity!

Credit Card Offer...? ......Not again. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO."

I DESPISE credit card offers. It is a waste of paper. They are annoying. I called them ten times and told them I didn't want new credit card. They responded by sending twice as many. So I devised a plan to piss off the fancy schmancy credit card companies:

Step One:
Save every credit card offer you receive for an entire year.

Step Two:Block off 3-5 hours

Step Three:
Open every single one of those damn envelopes and find
the piece of gold that lies within them... a pre-paid envelope.



Step Four:Smash all sorts of weird shit in the envelopes.

*Lots o' coupons*


*Thanks, but no thanks*



Step Five:Send them back and laugh your panties off.

*One bag o' fatty pre-paid envelopes full of coupons, drawings, and post-it notes*

Why did I spend 4 hours stuffing over 200 envelopes? Because I was avoiding homework (obviously) and now they can enjoy receiving a billion unwanted letters. Plus, random credit cards companies paid for over $100 in postage (since I actually sent them back.) BOOYA.

*Nothing is more rewarding that pwning your ass*

"The Story"

As most of you know, the boyf (boy+wife) proposed on New Years Eve.

After 7.5 years (minus a semester long sabbatical) we were both interested in finalizing this thing. Even though we were headed down the same path, neither of us were in any hurry to justify our relationship in the eyes of the law. We liked each other. We are best friends.

I told him that whenever "it" happened, I wanted loved ones around and I wanted it to be a complete surprise. Needless to say, he nailed it.

We were up in Winter Park, Colorado with some of our closest law school buddies. It was a regular New Years Eve night so we were on our way to getting completely shitcanned.

A friend stole my camera and began taking pictures of our friends. I started yelling at him for stealing my incrimination device. How would I take pictures of people puking on themselves with no camera?

Ryan grabbed my hand and led me to the center of the room. He got down on one knee and opened his mouth... preparing to talk.

I thought to myself, "Oh. Em. Gee. It's happening." Instead of letting him speak, I chose the only logical step for a half-drunk theater kid: Run around the room and scream-cry until everyone's ears were bleeding. Obviously.



I took the ring out of his hands and continued to scream-cry-snot-choke all over myself. It was likely the least attractive thing I've ever done. Want to know how pretty I looked?

Excited Tipsy Snot Drool Girl

We celebrated with some of our closest friends, champagne, and lots o' noise makers.

I wouldn't have changed a thing.


P.S. Obligatory, and requested, ring pic aka Bling.

Results o' Juicing

The Juice Fast was rough, but with some minor changes, we made it through. We added whole nuts, fruits and vegetables throughout the fast. It was necessary to avoid passing out and to ensure my brain would function better than a senior citizen with Alzheimers.

We used lots o' fruit

We drank things that looked like this

And this

When we were sick of cold juice, we made warm juice
(also known as boring soup without goodies.)

I would suggest a more mini-fast to those of you interested in juicing. One or two days max. The bonus micro-nutrients gave me tons of energy and it was good to let my body reboot. Generally, just add more juice to your regular diet. It must be juice from a juicer, though. Donald Duck orange juice doesn't count.

In sum, I felt pretty damn good post-fast. But not as good as when the first bite o' cheese entered my mouth. Mmmmmmmmmmmm cheese.

Jucie Fast! (I'm Baaaaack)

Herro there bloggitty blog.

A whole slew of things happened since I last posted.

Job? Check.
Husband-to-be? Check.
Sweet ass Bar scholarship? Check.



So... now what?

First and foremost, Ryan and I are doing a.... *drum roll please* ....

FIVE DAY JUICE FAST

We watched THIS movie and decided to jump in the jucin' bandwagon.


Sooooo I went to Whole Foods and bought $150 of fruits and vegetables. Even the weird ones like dandelion greens.

*My cart looks like the victim of a raw food, gluten free, vegan, Boulderite**

*Buttload of fruit*

*Shit-ton of vegetables*

The Proposed 8 Stages of Juice Fasting:
(1) Motivation
"OH EM GEEEE I feel, like, so full of health and joy and cleansed!"
(2) Starvation
"Fuck. I'm hungry"
(3) Pride
"I am soooo much better than you because all I've had today is 8 tomatoes, 6 peices of kale, and a kiwi. In juice form."
(4) Failure
"NO."
(5) Le Second Wind
"I can do it, I can do it, half way there, I can do it."
(6) Results
"OH EM GEEEEEEEE I FEEL SO HEALTHY! I LOST 88 POUNDS IN AN HOUR!"
(7) Final Countdown
"24 hours, 24 hours, 24 hours."
(8) Reward
"I did it! GIVE ME THE DAMN CHEESE."

I'll be sure to post my Juice Fast Review, post vegetable starve-a-thon.

Stay tuned for more juice fast news and the engagement story!